The Adventures of Tarabusaw

I don’t know what brought me to this thought, but have you ever asked yourself what would your last day on earth be like?

If this will be my last day… I would like to meet all my friends.  Maybe, I’ll be having short chit-chats with them.  I will definitely thank them for the things they’ve shared and for accepting me as who I really am.  I am incredibly rich indeed — not because of gold, but because of the memories I shared with people who truly understand and love me.

If this will be my last day… I would meet her.  I would bid her my final goodbyes and tell jokes and stories as I usually do.  I will thank her for teaching me how to love.  We shall be reminiscing moments we shared.  And I would ask her my final question – Did she ever loved me?  By then, I can go out of this earth peacefully.

At the end of my hectic day, surely, I will be home – with my family – my family who’s been with me through the years.  I may not have a perfect one, but I am thankful for them for molding me to who I am today.  I will ask forgiveness from them since I’ll be leaving soon.  I cannot fulfil my promises.  I cannot give them the life that they truly deserved. 

I see that tears will be shedding during my last hours.  It is for the mixed emotions I will be feeling – joy for the anticipation of finally resting in peace and sorrow for the things I have not accomplished yet.  If this is the last of my days…

I am never born to be ridiculed.  I am never born to be your laughing stock!

I was at the elevator yesterday.  Incidentally, together with me in the lift was an Assurance partner, Assurance managers and some staff.  I heard they are going to take their dinner since they’ll be working overtime.  I know some of the staff, since I’ve worked with them in previous engagements.  I was chatting with one of them while I noticed that someone at my back is laughing at me.  Then suddenly, the girl in front of me (who is an Executive Assistant of their group) also started laughing.  I know they are laughing at me.  They are making fun of me!  This is not paranoia. 

I was gripping my bag very tightly because I felt that any moment I could blow the nose of the guy at my back (by the way, he’s a manager).  My ears started to turn red… then my face.  I was very angry that my head felt like it wants to explode.  I am a very peaceful and quiet person, but if you will make fun of me, I will definitely fight back!  Gusto ko silang pag-untungin nung oras ding yun! 

F*CK you!  What do you think of yourselves?  Perfect?  Have you ever looked in the mirror and see your own imperfections?  O hindi niyo na lang talaga kayang tumingin sa salamin dahil sobrang pangit ng pag-uugali niyo na hindi niyo na masikmura ang nakikita niyo!  I am never born to be ridiculed and be your laughing stock.  Magpasalamat kayo, nakapagpasensya pa ko at nandun ang Partner niyo!  Kung wala, hindi na kayo makikilala kinabukasan!  (Sorry dear readers, I can’t contain my feelings!)

I would have posted this in the discussion database of the firm, but I thought what’s the use.  Bastard and a*sholes like you will never change. 

I want to go places.  I mean, I want to travel… no, I love to travel.  It’s for this sole reason that I’m planning to join the Asian edition of the Amazing Race.  =) But before I even heard that this reality show will be coming to Asia, I had some places in mind that I would love to go.  Hope I can have the chance to go to these places before my time on earth is up:

1.  Vigan.  The Spanish in me says that I would love this place.  Being the only heritage town left in the Philippines, I would enjoy strolling at the narrow cobble-stoned Crisologo Street, the preserved old ‘bahay-na-bato’ and the centuries old churches and bell towers. 

2.  Iloilo.  My father’s home province.  I’ve been in Laguna all my life with my mom’s kin.  Actually, I’ve been in Iloilo once, but that was so two decades ago.  All I can remember was I fell in the rice field while walking along the pilapil, saw a frog while taking a bath at a river in Tigbauan, getting water in a well while staying with my Lola in Cabatuan and burning my feet in Santa Barbara because of gun powder for a home-made bamboo canon.  I believe its high time for me to know where my dad came from and explain why I am like this. =p 

3.  Palawan / Cebu / Bohol.  I just want to explore these islands and enjoy the beauty of my country.  Gusto kong mapa- WOW! Philippines! =)

4.  Singapore.  I would like to admire how this small country, who from being a British colony and once part of Malaysia has emerged as one of Asia’s first world countries.  And of course, I want to visit my friends there.  Candy, Ryan and Ayms… kayo ng bahala sa board and lodging ko ha. =)

5.  Hong Kong.  Simply for Disneyland!!!  This will be the 2006 destination of me and my PwC friends’ anniversary celebration.

6.  Europe.  My dream destination!  I always see Europe as the old world.  Somehow its related to my number 1, but this time, its not only a strip of a street… its a whole country where I can have that ‘old feeling’.  I don’t know why I’m so attached with the past.  Sometimes I think that I am a reincarnation of someone who lived centuries ago who had an unfinished business.  Or maybe its just because I love knowing various culture and I love preserving it.

There’s still a lot of places I would like to go… the Antartica, Egypt, Israel and so on. These may be dreams now, but I know someday, I’ll go places. 

I’m so sorry if this blog may not be that cohesive.  Its been a long time since I’ve written creatively… and I feel that all my creative juices have been drained by audit work.  This blog has been a realization after all the things that happened to me… secret na lang muna kung ano yung mga yun. =)

Sometimes we question God for what is happening in our lives, especially when things turned bad from what we’ve expected.  We immediately think that He abandoned us.  Oftentimes it is incomprehensible to the human mind, but when we think and really reflect on it, He does have a purpose for it.  Maybe its not the perfect time or the best choice for us… yet.

I have been through a lot.  But I guess, its my "human-ness" that I sometimes can’t think of any logic why He do it to me.  But after sometime, and actually thinking of things logically, I find His reason.  I may have questioned Him when I failed the CPA exams, but when I reflected on it, it turned out that I was the one who’s to blame.  My lola died four days before I gave the Board exams a second shot.  I questioned Him again.  But after the sorrows and grief, I realized, He just wanted me to be strong amidst the challenges. 

I was rejected for several times and  I felt neglected many times.  I questioned Him why.  But then, I realized it was His way of saying that it is not the best path I should go to or the best choice I should take.  If Nina would insist that love moves in mysterious ways, I would tell her that God moves even more mysteriously. His works are indeed amazing… if we only know how to interpret them.  Besides, He’s our greatest Dad!  He will never leave us astray.  He’s the Wise Guy… the Greatest CPA of all!  He balances everything without forcing it.

He may have closed the doors for me, but definitely, he left the windows opened … actually, multitudes of them.  And for that, thanks very much Wise Guy.